Between closed chapters and new beginnings, life has kept me busy.
I sat and wrote about my graduation in May, about my adventures living with Zach and four of his friends, about finding a new job . . . But all that seems so trivial now.
Yes, I graduated.
Yes, I found a job.
Yes, I finally got out of the frat house and Zach and I moved into a new home to call “ours.”
But none of that amounts to the news that we received almost two months ago.
In mid-August, I woke up with mixed emotions. Eyes half-open, I walked downstairs to take a little test. It didn’t cross my mind that this one simple test would change my life forever. I looked at my reflection in the mirror as the cracked screen on my phone counted down from two minutes. I noticed subtleties that I previously hadn’t. My skin looked different, my eyes looked older . . . Or was I just imagining all of it? Was I just tired and hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before? Maybe this is all a dream and I’m still sleeping . . . The alarm went off and snapped me back into reality, and I looked down at the test. I looked twice, because it didn’t look like the cartoon picture in the pamphlet that they put in the box, but I knew it was right. I called Zach down from upstairs, and when he saw the test, we just held each other while I cried. Our whole life was about to change.
We went to the doctor to confirm our pregnancy with a blood test, and one week later, we went in for our first ultrasound. Up until that moment, it all seemed surreal. Then, we saw our baby on the ultrasound monitor, and the ultrasound tech showed us our baby’s heartbeat. A strong one hundred and sixty beats per minute. I cried because, in that moment, I realized that I would never love anything in my life as much as I love this little baby growing inside of me. Zach felt it was appropriate to high-five me right there in the doctor’s office, and added a “We made that!” to lighten the mood. Call me crazy, but I love that man.
People ask all sorts of questions when they find out you’re pregnant, but all I’m certain of right now is that I want to be the best mother I can be. I want to be kind, but stern. I want to teach my child to love unconditionally, and to trust that there is intrinsic good within each person. I want them to love the world and all of its cultures, and to always have a deep desire to travel and learn. I want them to grow up only feeling entitled to those things that they have truly earned, and not those that they demand. I want them to know that the world doesn’t owe them anything, rather they owe the world every bit of kindness and inspiration they can give. I want them to know that I love them, every moment of every day. Always.